An interplay of animosity, happiness, sheer platonic moment followed by the replay of the first two is what life has been so far. It was an unsteady stride to eternity—an excruciating clamour for freedom and relief in the midst of a lingering darkness.
I must be the most ungrateful being thinking that conditions are worst today than it was before but sometimes the complexity of everything just gets in my way (or probably my psychological bias dictates the whole perspective). Eight months have passed since I took that leap of faith. It was the ultimate gamble I have ever taken and today as I look back that day I took my foot off from my comfort zone I still feel the chills and that suction to the abyss of uncertainty.
Days moved so fast, they slipped like water running through the boulders of a river. In those eight months, I felt both death and life. I’ve lost myself in the process of getting better and turned out to be a total failure for trying to juggle everything within my reach. Before the eight months, I have wasted too much time developing nothing. I have indulged in incompetent life and have taken a huge step back to the barbaric days of irresponsible living. Today, it claimed a huge price and I am paying it big time. I have to move through that eight months conquering myself; fighting the demons I created for myself.
8 months later
I am still breathing but struggling with all my might to stabilize my unreliable judgment. Too much negativity has eaten me up and the drama and loneliness of being away from home just made the whole situation worse. I know I want to be in that place and pursue the life I have always desired but I cannot do that with my current set-ups. I need to be financially free first and to be tough enough to command my life.
The only way is to embrace what is on hand and to live the life I have chosen for the meantime. This is not a bad life after all. I am blessed with a job, family, and friends. The game plan should be geared towards finding the joy in everything I do while I take not only professional lessons but as well as life’s wisdom. I will take everything as a challenge as I continue to pay off my obligations and build the empire I have envisioned for myself and my family. This is already life happening before me and if I let this consume me then I am not living at all.
I might be very unsteady today but I know somehow, anyhow things will get better and by the time I reach that destination I am setting for myself, I will be glad that it was not the gold at the end of the road which makes this journey worthwhile but the person I have ultimately become.