Bonfire Session 04
The storm has calmed down after I made that basic mistake at work. I am lucky that my boss did not fire me. Probably, God has touched him and gave me a second chance. Though things are quite steady right now, challenges are still up and by tomorrow new requirements would be demanding. As much as I want to work my way out, I am stunned by the overwhelming tasks and my lack of motivation.
I knew for myself that somehow I do not belong in this sphere but I had to push myself to financially sustain myself and my family. I graduated with this knowledge and I have to use this in one way or another. I did not get a degree in writing so there’s no way I could make money on it on a larger scale. I am meant to tackle figures and do what my position had laid before me.
Despite the urging thoughts for change and finding my ultimate niche, I am left with no to little option but to stand by me the profession. It was not that difficult I know that for sure but because of my twisted thoughts, everything has been drifting into craps. The very reason I am not progressing with work is that my heart was never on it and because my heart is more powerful than my mind at this point it dictated every action, outcome, and the general condition.
The Second Chance.
I am not sure if it was a blessing I did not suffer from an immediate sanction but some parts of me tell me that it is. God has a purpose why I did not die in that wasteland and why I am still on this track. He wanted me to learn a lesson I have been putting off for some time now (I said that before). I don’t know. Maybe he wants me to re-learn audit? To understand people? To move in every challenges as if it is part of my system? Or probably to transcend what is on hand into something valuable. I really don’t have a clue right now.
My friend told me that during our lifetime the purpose or meaning of all of these will eventually reveal in its shimmering glamour. Some people will realize it earlier while others, the unlucky ones, will figure it out at their death beds. Meaning comes either before, on or after. I am convinced with that. The journey will be painful or full of sufferings but there is a gem of learning in all of these.
If I believe that these challenges, pain, failures or conditions will amount to something bigger, greater, and promising then how can I glide with them without losing my mind? How can I make things right and get the job done at its most excellent level or state?
I know the answer. I’ve always known it within. Everything is a matter of perspective and attitude. If I want to alter how things and events are controlling me (which is how it is right now), I will have to command my heart and use my brain to get things done. It all starts in the heart and confirm by the mind.
So here I am in this place with the job I less enjoyed but I am grateful I am given this opportunity. I may have messed up and left my boss disgusted but I am still here. If I allow my mind and heart to dictate a performance of less value then my boss will have no option but to terminate me. I cannot allow that. I am intelligent. I am great. I am special and I have that inner power in me which is beyond ordinary. I will change for the better. I will embrace the choice I have made. I will give it another try.
While it is true that my environment is uninspiring, it should not affect me and control me. The people around must have gone into deep shits some time in their lives that made them who they are right now but that’s not my problem and it should not my problem. I should do my job, ask help if needed, and do not rely on them. I should be fully accountable on my job, my output, and my life. The job is just part of the large multi-faced concept of life, not the only component.
I love audit. When I left it, I have told my colleagues that if there’s one job that I loved it was audit regardless how challenging it was. How come I let my current condition took that away from me and how could I allow people to affect my perspective.
I am making a resolution right now. I will love my job. I will excel. I give my 100% regardless of what is on hand. I will not mind others’ negative aura or attitude. This job will help me reach my dreams and I will do everything just to safeguard. I will relearn discipline. I will learn hard work. I will the best approaches and strategies to get the job. Failure is not an option and should not be considered. This is now or never. This is an integral part of my success. Storms and strong winds will blow me down every now and then but I do not care! I will stand and keep moving. I will pick up the lesson, apply it and become the best of myself.
Finally, I thank my friends for continuously believing in me despite the episodes of incompetence and those moments I have forgotten what I made of. I am Marcus and this is my life. I am going to live it like it is the last and I will forever be grateful to God for everything I had experienced be it good or not so good. I am meant to live out the purpose of which I am created for and no one can ever stop me, not even myself.