Bonfire Session 05
For the first time in seven months, I felt the stir has settled in a manageable condition. I am tempted to fill this white space with office shits and life’s crap but a tiny voice inside me tells me I made those and I better shred them inside before I throw it out somewhere unrecoverable. Now, I want to write something uncommon (but I probably have written it somewhere). I want to write the ending.
[Wait, I’ll take a nap]
[Back at the computer]
Ending; some fear it. Some crave for it badly. I am in between. The fact that if I reach the end of the road of this journey it would be tantamount to no to little remaining time and that scares me. Meanwhile, experiencing tons of suffering, I am eager to arrive at the destination. In between those, I am caught in a complex and soul-ripping space.
THE ENDING
I am sitting on our patio, sipping my freshly brewed coffee while I watched each passerby throwing a smile at me. I sliced a portion of my mocha muffin and taste its subtle yet enticing flavour. It is three in the afternoon but the sun is not that cruel—glaring yet forgiving. A breeze from my west felt like unadulterated freedom. I heard my family preparing their afternoon snacks at the kitchen. They were merry but all I can hear is the noise of laughter united in one blending hymn. I look at the blue sky and found a kite flying from afar. Boldness and security stunned me at the momentary steadiness of my immediate sphere.
My family joins me outside and we talk about the weekend plan. “barbeque? Grilled fish? And some tomatoes on the sauce? I thought that would be amazing. I smiled and they continue talking as I took the keys from my pocket. I’m taking a drive I told them. They smiled and ask me if I could buy some chips for tonight’s movie marathon. I agreed.
It is the music of that familiar soundtrack that played on the stereo. I opened the window to feel the warm afternoon. I felt the air. I felt the oneness of the universe with my soul. I remember the dark times, good times, and not so pleasant things which happened to me some time ago. They are there but they no longer control me. Those events and people are left in that place. I wish them well. I look at them from afar and I told them with all composure. I’m sorry but thank you.
I arrive at the supermarket. I passed by the station where I usually buy my favourite sweet corn. I prefer it with the cob so I could taste it in its semi-natural form. I enjoyed it as I pass through the store where I usually spend my remaining allowance way back in college. I smiled. I did not turn out to be someone I should be but I am definitely the best version of myself. I am exactly who I am. I get everything I needed including one piece of Boston Crème from Dunkin. It is turn out to be my favourite way back in the grinding days. Before I went home, I passed by one of the underrated places, I chilled once or twice. It is overlooking and I can vividly see the spaces of unchained existence. I watched the sun bid farewell to the day and ordered one bottle of cold beer just to kill the time. I take every second as a gift of what I have sacrificed and worked for. The beer has spell-bounded my innocence, and as the guitar strings went berserk, I find myself caught in this moment of liberty, peace, and internal happiness. I am here. I am free and I fully own my life.
I arrive home. I kiss my parents and prepared the dinner table for our evening meal. The story-telling session continues over the meal. The night was spent watching a movie. I pass the last movie and stayed in the attic for the night. I watched the universe unfolds its beauty while Gin’s “As long as it matters” is playing over my background. I realize how small I am yet how important it is that I serve my purpose. It is not only something I owe myself, my family and God but a call I am bestowed to strike my light to the universe. I lay on my bed and think again of the path behind. It was rough and sometimes unbearable but I did survive. Right now, experiencing what I have been dreaming off, I realize I only had simple dreams, simple happiness and yet they are so valuable that I did everything to get here. I just want to have freedom to do what I want, to have inner peace, and to share that happiness with the people I valued.
I say a prayer and before I finally close my eyes to sleep. I said to myself “Tomorrow is another day to inspire people, to help them realize their potentials, to show them an alternative path, to help them find their voice. Tomorrow is another day to free them.